Earth Culture: Explained

Skipton ushered Buk out into the ornamental gardens 'We'll talk and walk if that's ok, Buk? I've been inside all morning and that place gets a little bit stuffy when the weather's like this!' 
Buk nodded and followed him out into baking midday sun. He felt lucky to be one of the second wave of settlers which meant that he had the benefit of two mentors- one from his own planet, who had educated him on the Earth basics- taught him the seven important languages in which he was now fluent, detailed local and global geography and equipped him with all the day to day knowledge he would need. Now it was the third and final week of his induction and Skipton, his earthling mentor had taken over. 
Like many others, Skipton had been mislead by a history of science fiction film-viewing into believing that extra terrestrial visitors would already have mastered these things from picking up radio and Television transmissions on powerful listening apparatus in distant space. Indeed, this had turned out to be real fiction, all of the new settlers were completely unaware of everything about their new home- they just hadn’t been watching the telly.
Buk's sponge like brain could easily absorb everything within this three-week introductory program. The main task of the earthling mentor was to school the newcomer in the culture of the society which was now his home.
'You remember I spoke about foods yesterday... well imagine taking a small 80gram bar of the finest organic fair-trade 80% cocoa Ecuadorian dark chocolate...' Buk moved his thin purple lips into the shape of the 'earth smile' he had learnt from Movak, his first mentor and nodded
'well' Skipton continued 'imagine breaking it into about 20 pieces and throwing it into a 1000 gallon vat of faeces and stirring it in. That is what the internet is like. There are some great bits in there but most of it is shit!'
Buk made a touch-note on his memory-responder and continued alongside Skipton, through the rose beds and towards the al fresco canteen. 'Now if you understand that concept, my friend- you can apply that to almost everything. Music, art, politics- anything!' Skipton stopped 'It's nearly lunch, shall we get something to eat?'
'Yes, okay pal' said buk in one of the colloquial variants of his new English language 'No chocolate for me though, you've put me off a bit!'.

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